Pre-Marital Sex – Not A Big Deal? – Part 2

 “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body” (1 Cor 6:18-20 NIV)

Sex is a good thing because it was created by God, but as we discussed in the part one of this series, it is only ideal within the confines of marriage. God did create sex to be beautiful and enjoyable expression of love, but only between a man and a wife (Genesis 2:24; Proverbs. 5:18-19, 1 Corinthians 7:2&3).

In his book Money, Sex and Power, Richard Foster spelt out that sexual intercourse involves something far more than just the physical, more than even the emotions and psyche. It touches deep into the spirit of each person and produces a profound union that the bible calls it one flesh. To this effect, sexual intercourse is a life-uniting act. Genital sex outside marriage is wrong because unmarried people thereby engage in a life-uniting act without a life-uniting intent.  Intercourse signs and seals a life-union; and life union means marriage.

As a continuation to my first article on pre-marital sex, I would be addressing two other implications that come with pre-marital sex or sex outside the confines of marriage.

Implications on self worth:

Consider how premarital sex can affect people’s self worth in a statement put up by one high school girl:  

“I am sixteen and have already lost my virginity. I truly regret that my first time was with a guy that I didn’t care that much about. Since that first night he expects sex on every date. When I don’t feel like it, we end up in an argument. I don’t think this guy is in love with me, and I know deep down that I am not in love with him either. This makes me feel cheap. I realize now that this is a very big step in a girl’s life. After you have done it, things are never the same. It changes everything.”¹

Another young person said,  

“I slept with many, many people trying to find love, to find self-worth. And the more people I slept with, the less self-worth I had.”²

Engaging in pre-marital sex with a number of guys gives a young promising lady a new label – “easy catch”, “loose girl”, “sure bet” etc. Ironically, such labels are given by the same guys who take advantage of these young ladies. They are thus in such circumstances denied of the dignity that they are entitled to. Sadly, I have personally met beautiful young ladies who have boldly confessed to me that, “they were not worth any man”; simply because they felt overly used by different men. Unfortunately, this is the sad situation of many young girls.

Sometimes the loss of self-esteem after uncommitted sex can also  lead a person into further casual sex, leading to further loss of self-esteem in an oppressive cycle from which it may be hard to break free.

Emotional Implications:

Sexual intimacy has potentially powerful emotional consequences. These emotional side effects of premarital sex are also very damaging. Staying away from pre-marital sex renders one to be emotionally healthier. This has got to do with baggage or what I call emotional filth that come with past sexual expereinces. We can easily carry this filth into our marriage which may include  memories from the past, emotional scars and unwanted mental images which  can go to the extent of defiling our thoughts and making the  marriage bed less pure. Certainly, God can forgive the past, but that doesn’t mean we are free from the baggage that can linger in our minds.

It is also a well established fact, that one of the most common consequences of pre-marital sex is depression. Sex outside of marriage almost always ends with a broken heart. It is of a truth, that once one experiences a “broken heart”, his or her outlook on life and love changes. Many instead of love are filled with bitterness because of past sexual experiences.  The bible tells us to, “guard our hearts with all diligence for out of it flow the issues of life.” (Proverbs 4:23) When we fail to guard our hearts we open ourselves to be deeply wounded by those who are only interested in their own sexual pleasure.

Unfortunately, many young women search for meaning only in relationships with guys, instead of with God. It is not uncommon for a girl to have sex in order to make a guy like her more or to encourage him to stay with her. She may compromise her standards because she is afraid of never being loved. Once he leaves her, though, an emotional divorce takes place. A person’s heart is not made to be that close to a person and then separated.

It always pays to wait.

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References:

¹Thomas Lickona, “Sex, Love, and Character: It’s Our Decision” (address given to assembly of students at Seton Catholic High School, Binghamton, N.Y., January 8, 1999), 10.

²All About Cohabiting Before Marriage, “Myths About Cohabitation,”  http://www.leaderu.com/critical/cohabitation-myths.html.

³A. B. Moscicki, et al., “Differences in Biologic Maturation, Sexual Behavior, and Sexually Transmitted Disease Between Adolescents with and without Cervical Intraepithelial Neoplasia,” Journal of Pediatrics 115:3 (September 1989), 487–493; M. L. Shew, et al.