(Knowing the Rules of Engagement)
For every societal engagement, there are some underlying rules. In this series, I shall continue with the rules of engagement by looking at the rule 3, 4 and 5.
Third Rule – Do not pursue the relationship at the expense of your relationship with God
Unfortunately, many young people are ready to sacrifice their relationship with God for a relationship with other fellow human beings. They tend to believe that all that it is in life is to marry and that they are ready to do anything, for, in their minds, the end always justifies the means. This is a lie from the pit hell. In fact, many at times persons who end up pushing God out of their love life had always wished they had factored Him in the whole process.
Young man, young woman, don’t learn it the hard way. Nothing is worth more than your relationship with God. Nothing, I mean nothing. For our young ladies who think marriage is a favour and for that matter will do just anything to secure it, please it is not. Once you present yourself as a sex object to secure marriage, remember your value does not change afterwards.
The fourth rule – Accountability
This is strongly linked to the second rule. To be accountable is to be authentically, deeply, consistently known by someone who cares enough to keep us from making mistakes or indulging in sin.
Only people who love Christ more than they love you will have the courage to tell you that you’re wrong in dating — wrong about a person, wrong about timing, wrong about whatever. Only they will be willing to say something hard, even when you’re so happily infatuated. Most people will float along with you because they’re excited for you, but you need a lot more than excitement right now – you have plenty of that yourself. You desperately need truth, wisdom, correction, and perspective.
We all need courageous, persistent, and hopeful friends and counsellors in the dangerous and murky waters of premarital relationships. Lean hard on the people who know you best, love you most and will tell you when you’re wrong.
Fifth Rule – Avoid Long Term Relationships
Since relationships can be dangerous and murky, engaging in a very long term relationship can be very tempting and devastating especially when the couple have not subjected themselves to the four rules of engagement explained above. This is also to say that, you must enter into a relationship not because you want to, or your want you to, but because you are ready for marriage and spiritually and emotionally sound for it. A premarital relationship is not for fun as it is portrayed in the media. Young students, don’t be pressured into a relationship on campus when you know it is not time to consider marriage. It is not ordained anywhere that you must be in a relationship before completing your university or college education. In fact, research has shown that over 80 percent of campus or college relationships end when college is over, not to even talk about High School relationships.
As indicated earlier, you are not yet ready if you don’t have the boldness yet to discuss your intention with your parents and those who genuinely care about you. Apart from it having the possibility of it being exploitive, one other disadvantage associated with long term relationship is that it can be more hurting and devastating when there is a break-up, resulting in many years of a wasted life. Many counsellors believe that a minimum of six months and a maximum of two years is the ideal for a relationship to end up in marriage or otherwise.
